Heart Work

 Heart work is not light-work. Change never comes unless we have external pressure forcing us to become. Think about the diamonds and gold on your hand. Diamonds require darkness,  pressure, and a lot of time with both elements inside a lump of coal to become the indestructible jewels that we wear. This has always fascinated me at Christmas time when parents declare that children who don't obey will get coal in their stocking. I would always get excited. Had they not paid attention in school? There could be diamonds in there! Such a parallel to the transcendent God and our earthly mindsets. We see a lump of junk. He sees the diamond that grew within that lump. We see a difficult person who deserves no presents. He sees a child in need of the greatest gift. 

 Likewise, gold has to be melted down, dross (the junk) has to be scraped off of the top as it is heated to remove all impurities. This process takes time. The impurities and trash have to come to the surface before it can be scraped off. The gold is then tried by literal fire to prove its worth. In order to be viewed as the precious metal that it is, it must undergo some time, pressure, and maybe even darkness.

I have been in a season of surrender. I have been undergoing some pressure, time in the fire, and scraping off. It is a refining fire. It is a sad and beautiful work that God is doing. 

One of my precious sisters from church delivered a reproof to me a few weeks back about something I said. It wasn't that what I said was bad, it was about my own life. But what I said indicated I was not trusting God in this area. You loved me enough to be so kind, and honest in recalling this to my mind. Your tenderness in how and what you said changed my life. Ultimately as we have discussed, the Holy Spirit led you and He changed my life. I've been on a journey doing heart-work since then. 

And this is where I'm at...

Areas where we fight to be in control, Areas where we put up walls to keep people out, Areas where we will not allow people to see the real us, Areas where we have to be in control and lord over people and situations....it is our own pride on display. It is a lack of  trust in God. It is detestable. And it requires repentance and follow through in obedience. 

You may say...how can you be a Christ follower and not trust God? Someone delivered that reproof to me years ago. They looked me in my eyes, with a bite of a Jack's  biscuit in the cheek of their mouth, and said "you don't trust God." 

 I quickly corrected their statement. My husband is in ministry was my immediate response. That arrogant comment and the days following that conversation were quite telling in my life. I finally had to sit with what was said and get real about the truth that had been spoken. For clarity, no titles we place on ourselves make us exempt from being sinful. If there is a title placed on us at all it is nothing less than a miracle from God, by God, and for God.  We are wretched and apart from God we would not choose good for ourselves. At the end of the day, I am nobody. 

This would be the first time I would take ministry off of the pedestal and realize I am not in an elite status of Christianity. The life God had called us to was sacrificial and would require the details of our lives to be laid bare for the world to see. It was slowly starting to click. Having a spouse in ministry was not my identity. It was merely the purpose God planned for our lives. The day I recognized my need for repentance over this warped mindset was bittersweet. I'm just me. What a sigh of relief.

Truth: I trusted God saved me and that it would keep me for eternity, but I did not trust God with my marriage, my kids, our futures, the things that made me anxious...I trusted myself to protect everyone,  and somehow this would prevent my past from becoming my kids future. The Lord revealed to me then and now that He does not need me to protect the things and people He gave to me. 

He doesn't need your help either. He is Sovereign. He is omniscient. He is holy. And in His holiness He hates sin. Even and especially the sin we get tangled up in trying to control the very lives He created for His purpose and for His glory. He knows and sees it all. Before it even gets to me and you. 

Are you tired today? Have you got a suitcase that you keep packing things into, a triage of sorts, that you will one day get to? Guess what..one day won't ever come. We will never be so bored that we decide to empty out the bag and deal with each hurt inside of it. 

Though we can't see each other's suitcase being pulled behind us..we can see what we turn to for comfort. We can hear how quick our speech is to be so hard with people who just want to love us and walk with us. We can see how we don't let others get close to us in the name of not being a social person. You name the item in the suitcase...people can see a crack in the front we display

Are you tired of keeping people at arms length? Are you tired of your opinion running people off because you have no self awareness to realize that you come off as being holier than they are by your speech? Are you tired of painting on a pretty face when underneath, there are bags from tears, and lost sleep over your present reality? 

Why don't we just give honesty a try. Let's be real. Because here's the truth- when you get real, and unpack the bag, what has held you captive no longer has power over you. God is then free to mold you and make you into who HE wants you to be. This is by definition the process of sanctification. We become more like our Father. 

You can't change and stay the same. Questions come all the time. People ask, if I'm a Christian then where's my joy, my desire to pray, read, and participate? It's a simple answer. You can't experience the fullness of these byproducts of the Holy Spirit if you dont first have the Holy Spirit. You can't be led if you can't follow. We were not created to be the spiritual leaders in our lives. Titus 2 details our huge responsibility and it is not optional. A present generation is depending on us to show up. And it does not include lording over our husbands while stripping them of their God given responsibility, all the while robbing God of His glory. This sin will have a pricetag on it, and your family will be the first to have to pay.

We don't unpack because we don't trust God. Not really. We have gotten used to babysitting our baggage. Because if we unpack, that can no longer be our identity. Our crutch. Our reason for not working properly with the rest of the body of Christ. It can no longer be the reason you are in open revolt and direct defiance to God.

It's just time. Peter denied Jesus 3 times. Jesus told him he was going to before it ever happened. But what was Jesus' response? Forgiveness, and then a task for Peter to complete. It is as if Jesus was saying…I forgive you, now..lets Go Peter! People need to know about another Kingdom. But if we hurry past what happens here with Peter, we hurry past the point. Jesus didn't expect perfection from Peter. He knew what was coming through Peter. He had purpose and plans for Peter before, during, and after sin had its way.  

We have a work to do for the Kingdom. God is not sitting at the ready to rub our noses in our mistakes. Where there is grief, shame, guilt- lay it down and choose to walk away free. But here's the problem again. We have to have faith that forgiveness is real, and that if God is holy He is trustworthy to be who He says He is. In      1 John 1:9 He says If we, then He. He cannot lie. He cannot be anything other than who He declares He is. If he says confess and I will forgive and cleanse…we have to trust that. 

Have you ever wished for a do-over in a relationship? Me too. We get one every day with God. He always forgives. He always gives us another try. So why do we refuse to forgive others? Why do we want people to feel the weight of our anger when we are wronged? Because we don't trust God? We don't really see credibility in God's word? At the end of the day we don't obey because we don't want to.         And because hurt people..hurt people.

So, I will present a question that only you can answer, if you dare to be honest with God and yourself. 

                         Do you trust God?

   

If you have no walls up, no defenses with people..if you are not held back by your past, and if your past hasn't dictated this present future, then I say good for you. Obviously you are a veteran here,  and you give me hope that I will get there one day.

If you are honest though, you will be so bold and so brave. You will say..no. I don't trust Him. And if I did trust Him I wouldn't distrust people who just want to love me. I wouldn't feel the need to be so forceful in doing things my own way. I wouldn't be working so hard to make this present life the opposite of what I was raised in. 

Maybe you say I am a Christian, so of course I trust Him. Fair enough. But are you walking in that trust? 

Maybe you are honest enough to say..I thought this day would never come. I am tired of holding it all together. I am tired of looking over my shoulder in anticipation that something will happen. I am tired of putting on a happy face when the truth is..my life is a mess behind closed doors.

Some of you may say you are a Christian. Some of you know that you are not. You just added God to the life you already live. You didn't come to Him by submission., you came by addition. I don't prefer to call myself a Christian. It means "little Christ," and I am not that.

 I fail, stumble, and fall daily. But I get back up. It is in the pursuit. The beginning does not always dictate how the story ends. I prefer the words Christ Follower. It implies that I am actively pursuing Christ. That I am walking in His path, striving hard to following His lead. If you call yourself a Christian, please know that it gets translated in my head immediately. And if you say Christian, which means Christ follower, there is a different expectation there. 

Alistair Begg once preached a message and he said something to the effect of, Get the person in your mind's eye that you love most. Sit them on a stool in front of you. If it's a baby you have to look it in the face and say 3 things. You are guilty. You are responsible. And you can't fix it."

That is the sum of the matter. You and I stand guilty from birth. And we are responsible because of the fall of man. We cannot fix the sin that makes us guilty. That's why Jesus had to do what He did. He's the only way back to the Father. Your family name, your money, your family's charter church membership, your opinions, your say in the matter…will not get you into heaven.

But I will tell you what will keep you out of heaven, and ultimately out of the eternal presence of God. It will be that you believe God exists, but you never make a decision of the will to surrender, and come under His authority. 

Sure, I get it. You go to church. You give the money in your bank that God allowed you to earn. You even participate when vbs rolls around. But inside, you don't like the people in your church because some of them have figured it out, and they abandoned their sin and are pursuing holiness. That means they cannot keep company with you anymore because you have not yet come to the end of yourself.

What's that? You don't care for the pastor? The Bible says God appoints our leaders. He even compels the thoughts of the people who put these pastors in position to lead. I won't go off on this rabbit trail. That is another blog. What I will instead ask is, why are you so threatened by a person who opens up the Bible and preaches truth from the pages of God's breathed out Word? Why is it that you make sure those around you know where you stand in regard to this man, who is depending on God to show up and speak through his slain vessel week after week? Perhaps it's because you have yet to step in a pastoral chamber or bedroom where you would get to see a whole man who wears the weight of your displaced anger from a vote that neither concerned him, or was requested by him.

 Or perhaps it's because you don't get to see the tears he sheds on behalf of the half hearted show that you make when you only come for Sunday school and leave before preaching. The tears of a pastor are so precious and so sobering. Know that the tears are not because of you. They are for you. May God deal with you as you have dealt with this mortal man. Once more, being in control is pride on display.      And it is ugly.

When He says take my yoke upon you, My yoke is easy my burden is light..He isn't saying if you are tired you can rest well at night if you know Him…He is saying stop working for salvation. Stop thinking you will obtain it by a case of the do goods. Stop trying to act holy and instead.. be holy! He already did the work. He is saying surrender. Let Him carry you. Be weak,  Be raggedy and tired before Him as you hit your face,  and cry out in desperate need of a Savior. That is the realization we must come to. We need to be rescued, therefore we need a Savior. 

Jackie Hill Perry said, " some of yall need to quit fasting and start believing."

How true. We want to hear from God so we go to great lengths to set the stage for a word from him. Reality is He already told you. He already said it. Now you have to trust and believe it. When will we stop wanting more proof that He is trustworthy? When will we stop trying to find our happiness in marriage, babies, jobs, hobbies, stuff, social media validation…these are nothing more than idols. And when your idol is moved away from you it will bring panic because in your idol you find your own self worth. 

There is only One who defines your worth.

There is only One who sets the terms for the covenant relationship we enter into with Him.

And if we do not come to Him by the terms of His covenant we have not surrendered and we are not His.

Are you a Christ follower? 

Are you FOLLOWING….CHRIST?  

Following. Not leading. 

Trusting. Not doubting.

Walking. Not worrying.

Be honest. Because life is a vapor. Here today and gone tomorrow. And I'm not even as worried about the flames and scare tactics some people use. I am most afraid of the piercing darkness of a place called hell, where the darkness is so thick that my hand never acclimates to my eyes. It's so dark that one cannot have a glimpse of anything ever again. I am most afraid of this because God is light and in Him is no darkness. When the true light passes away from the lost it will not return again. Absence of communion with God is hell.

Where are you at? Cliche question I know, but a gospel presentation merits an invitation. Jesus always gave an invitation. 

Has God invited you to follow Him? Have you counted the cost of following Him? You must die to live. You must love Him more than yourself and your very own life. If He has invited you to follow Him, what are you doing with that invitation?

All of your life from birth until now is the suitcase. It has to be unpacked. All of the hurt, anger, sorrow, resentment, hatred, defiance, desire to be your own God. Once you put it all out on the table you have to let God have it, because remember He says I will put your sin as far as the east is from the west. I will bury it in the sea of forgetfulness. Some of us need to read that again. He forgets it. So we need to trust him and stop dwelling on something we were, but are not now. He forgives and forgets your sin. You make a decision of the will to repent of your sin. Recognize that your sin put Jesus on the cross. Be willing to lay those lifestyles down and turn away from your old life. A decision of the will. A decision that the Holy Spirit brings you to where you know that if you place your trust in God, you won't get a playbook of what is next. But you will have a real God to walk you through it.

You say, but what about the scars that follow me out of my old life and into my new life with Christ? Friend, scars are proof that wounds have healed. You can rest in knowing that your scars are hereditary. Jesus has scars. His scars will tell of the redemption story for all of time. Your scars will be a living testimony of who you were and who God has now made you to be because of the sacrifice of His only Son, Jesus. 

There is no situation too gross for God to redeem. He delivers people from the chains of all forms of addiction every day. He delivers people from having only a head knowledge of Him every day. He delivers murderers, adulterers, cussers, gossipers, slanderers, doubters, liars, pretenders…every day.

And when He delivers, HE also redeems and restores. He makes new what is broken and unuseable in our eyes.

Jackie Hill Perry also writes of God's holiness, and says this. " If God is holy He cannot sin. If God cannot sin, He cannot sin against me. And if He cannot sin against me doesn't that make Him the most trustworthy being that there is?"

Where is your trust? Maybe you need to start believing. Maybe you need to stop pretending you are something you are not. 

Don't let your pride or fear of what others may say keep you from what you know to be truth. People everywhere realize life never changed after they repeated some prayer that doesn't exist. It's because you got religion and not a relationship. Who cares if people saw you get baptized when you were 8. You are much older now and you are still just as lost today as you were when you dried off that day. Soaking wet, with memberships to churches are the ones of us who God reveals Himself to, if we are willing to be honest. It's beautiful. He is so kind to us. 

"Are you really willing to wait until this life is over to find out who you really were?"

 

It is for freedom that Christ has made us free. 

Let's start walking. It is time.