The God Who Stays- A Really Long Blog
Sometimes life happens and we self-protect by putting up
walls and pretending things don't really exist. In steps reality.
Let me rewind for a minute. There was a time in my life when
God brought a beautiful gift that needed me as much as I needed it. At the time, we don't always see a gift for what it is because when inconvenience happens,
and disappointment comes, we are inclined to view the gift as a burden. I am
sure that you can relate as this post gets way too close to home for many of
you reading.
There is a place in our lives where God doesn't see our
ability, capability, or resources as the reason He brings the trial or the
blessing. He brings them because He has a plan for it and He simply desires to
use our slain vessels to accomplish His purposes. Never confuse the two. Never
tell yourself that God brought me this task because I am something wonderful.
Never let your mind go to the place that says "God brought you to this season
because He knew you would be great under pressure."
I want to say this for the person reading who knows and
pursues God, and for the one who stumbled to this post today-
God. Doesn't.
Need. Us.
Countless times in scripture God tells His people to be
still and see the salvation of the Lord. He moves, He lives, He acts, He breathes.
Scripture never says "God needs us."
The gift, the one I mentioned earlier, I felt the need with
this gift to protect it, guide it, keep it from self-destruction: at all costs.
What I didn't realize then, and see so clearly now, is that God never brought
me that gift so that I could do anything of value apart from Him.
I was still learning who God is, how to love Him, what my
role was, and how to lead others toward Him. Not everything in life comes with
a manual.
Dear younger me, it's all in God's word.
Every problem, every solution.
I have not always had a high view of God in my relationship
with Him like I do today. I can look back with ease and see where I thought so
much of myself, my resources, my abilities, my way, my will, etc. Yuck. That is
what really comes to mind. Disgust. I have had to experience some hard things
and hear some even harder truths along the way. Love does hard things. Love
says some hard things.
I am going to issue some apologies here. Publicly. Humbly.
Unashamed.
Once upon a time I was so nosy that I did pretend I was
using social media as part of my job, but in reality, I was consumed with other
people’s lives. I am sorry.
I have been guilty of acting like other people’s problems
were a result of me, concerned me, and as a result I allowed way too much drama
in my life. I am sorry.
I am guilty of being too tired early on to be present for
all of my responsibilities and dropped the ball. I am sorry.
I have gossiped and slandered, resulting in character
assassination and defamation of character in casual conversation. I am sorry.
I was too concerned with winning the fight to see that the
battle has already been won, and it has nothing to do with me. I am sorry.
I came across as better than you, or holier than the next person
and was unable to relate to you, and love well. I am sorry.
I didn't say truthful things that needed to be said for the
glory of God because I was afraid I might compromise the relationship. I am
sorry.
I viewed an apology as empty words that would have no
lasting value. I am sorry.
Lastly, I thought people needed me. I thought I was a part
of the solution. I was wrong and I am sorry.
.....that was then. This is now. I learned some valuable
things along my journey. By the way, it's in the journeying that we reach the
destination. We fall down, we get back up. We mess up, we checkup. New day, new
grace. I am learning. At one time I was so stiff necked about other people’s
sin that I was blind to my own. I am learning. Eyes wide open. No pretending these
days. I am responsible for me. I have to keep myself in check so that I can be
used by God, for His glory.
Maybe your mouth gets you into trouble. Maybe you are quick
to speak negatively about someone who is different than you are. Maybe, just
maybe you think you have it all figured out. The rest of us are glad you came
to the party today. Because I don't have it all figured out. But I do know that
in my earlier years I made a mess. I lost some relationships that I didn't tend
to well.
I hurt some people who I didn't take the time to encourage and love on
well. I, I, I; me,my,mine.
That is so old. Such a
broken record.
We cannot go back, we cannot stay here, we must move forward.
This brings us to today. Journeying with God is a rehab of
sorts. Being rescued by God is such a humbling experience. I haven't ever been
to a rehab for drugs and alcohol, but I live in rehab of my former self every
day. My husband preached a message this past Sunday that was straight from God
and straight to my heart. I might as well had been the only person in the
service because it was for me. He said, "We do not escape, we are
rescued."
Rescued. Rescued? Rescued! I was rescued. I could feel that
in my bones for myself, for the one who feels forgotten, for the one battling
addiction. God doesn't allow us to escape. He rescues us.
Y’all are going to have to allow me some room to use some
millennial jargon here.... shooketh!
When my pastor said that Sunday, I was stunned. But I KNOW
this already! I know He rescues. I know we are not hidden. I know that the
lyrics to Lauren Daigle's song Rescue are spot on! He sends out an army, He
hears our faintest SOS. He is the God who stays.
And so, we are rescued. What happens next is nothing short
of- uh-may-ziing! (I told you to give me some room to speak like these kiddos
today) In our rescue we are also rehabbed. There is a time when we must
separate from all that we have known, all that was comfortable. All that was
toxic and hostile to God. In this time, He places people around us to lead us,
feed us, and be a very real portrait of who God is to us as failing humans. Much
like a person who has an addiction, we sometimes crave the things of the world.
Some of you reading this cannot and will not parallel your journey with Christ
to someone who is or was an addict. That pride doesn't look good on you.
Sin is an addiction. Love of self is an addiction. If you
are brave enough, ask God to show you who all has tripped over you trying to
get to Him....somber.
Sin is an addiction. It is incredibly expensive. It will
take you places you do not need to go. It has no need of letting you see truth
in any form. Sin is delicious. Our taste buds are tantalized by the things this
world holds dear. Sin calls you by your past, not by your name. We all do it.
We are not exempt. In fact, we like to categorize sin. Yep. We say, "well,
I may have told a lie but at least I didn't murder anyone." We self soothe in this very cunning way. Much like the serpent did in the garden of Eden.
In walks Jesus. New Testament Jesus said if you look on a
woman with a lustful eye you have committed adultery. He said if you gossip and
slander you have committed murder. Need we go on? When Jesus came on the scene,
He made no distinctions about thoughts of sin and the act of sin. It is all the
same. I am just as guilty of sinful thoughts as I am of not doing what I know
to be right in God's eyes. You are too. But can you face that head on, repent
of it and stand in freedom today? I was a lot of things I spoke of earlier, but
I am not those things now.
We are rescued. We flee from the things that once kept us
captive prisoners. We learn a new normal. Then, we teach others how this whole
miraculous plan of God's works.
We are addicted. We are rescued. We are redeemed. We are
walking testimonies of God's grace and mercy.
Have you ever pretended someone or something never existed
to protect self from further pain? Guilty there too! It is easier than facing
the fact that things didn't happen the way we would have chosen. Reality steps
in again. God is sovereign. He is in control, and I am not. He knows what is
best. Flip the script here: He may have allowed things to happen like He did
because He has plans for the other people involved and His plans for them have
nothing to do with you...at all. We tend to want our trials to be over quickly,
instead of reminding ourselves that God is teaching us something in the
waiting. He is also working on other people who are involved. This has nothing
to do with you either.
Fast forward to today. I could call lots of people, and say
I am sorry for how I viewed self in that season of life. I could even go face
to face to try and explain how different I am today. But it doesn't work that
way.
We don't always get the opportunity to explain.
And so, we walk forward knowing that we grow in our faith.
We evolve in our thinking. God reveals Himself when we are ready to understand
Him. We learn from our selfish thinking and we strive to point always and only
to Him. It is all Him.
Last Apology.
Family, Friends,
and Foes:
It has been a long
journey. I have learned some valuable things about myself. To some of you I
have come across as lofty. To some of you I have been too comfortable and
slack. To some of you I have tried so hard to over compensate. For what and why
I cannot explain. Ignorance, I guess. Lack of knowledge at times. Power of love
for others. Love is the most powerful force that exists. That is why the enemy
is determined to dissolve love wherever He can. My desire is to glorify God.
How He chooses to do that is His business. I fail. I mess up. I get up. 1 John
1:9 has been a constant in my life. If I confess, He does the rest. I don't
remember waking up and deciding to make enemies in my life. I don't remember
waking up and deciding to make everything about "me" either. But at
times I have been and done those things. God has shown me that He is the God
who stays. He is the God who forgives. He is the God who restores. He is the
God who gives mercy when it is not deserved. He is the God who holds the whole
world intact.
The song "The God Who Stays", by Matthew West has
been on my mind and on repeat on my playlist all week. I had this season of my
life where God closed a door. Tightly closed a door. I had to move forward.
After that I pretended the situation never existed. But along the way I missed
out on all the reflection of precious memories because I let all of the muddy
ones cloud my view. I don't think I had any thoughts about anyone falling apart
in my absence. I don't really know what I was thinking. I did think that apart
from me things would fall apart in this situation. I had an inflated view of
self. I had to be in control to keep the chaos in check. Reality is I couldn't
control it even if I wanted to. We spin, we toil, we stress, we do whatever it
takes to keep things looking okay. I have learned that it is okay for things to
not be okay. It is not my job to fix things, situations, or people. He's the
God who stays. Even when doors close, and we have to put our hand over our
chest, and whisper to God, "just give me one more breath, let my heart
beat one more beat."
He's the God who stays. He doesn't need me or you to fix
that person we love so fiercely. He doesn't need us to try to figure out how to
do that. There will be times that you have to let go so that God can have His
way in the lives of all parties involved. We trust that He saved us, and that
it will last until we get to heaven, but to trust Him with bills, loved ones,
health? Now that is just asking too much! This is our toxic mentality. God is
trustworthy. We can cast every tiny care on Him because He cares for us. He's
the God who stays.
"Hiding in the shadows, I see you. Embarrassed about
your sin, I see you. Talking about me, but not to me, I see you. Just one more
time, and I will stop, I see you. I am not hurting anyone in this situation, I
see you. They need me to support them in this, I see you. But I have always
done it this way, I see you. Playing the church card and dressing the part on
Sundays, I see you.
I see you now, but you won't see me later. Truth: I left
you the way to get back to me. Don't add to it, never take away from it.
Just....follow me. I AM the God who stays. I have been here all the while. I
did see that happen. I do know how it made you feel. Now hear me. I am the God
who rescues. I restore what was broken and I make it whole again. Remember that
broken things never become that same thing that they were before they broke.
They become new. Completely new. Only I can do this in someone's life. Let
yourself off the hook. This battle is not yours. It never was. I gave my very
best. Now give me yours. and leave all of the details of this to Me.
I'm the God who stays, with arms open wide. Love,
God"
As for the gift, I see you. Fight on fighter.
You are braver than you believe, and you can do whatever you put your mind to.
Always remember, He's the God who stays.
