Shadows
There is something both crippling and comforting about the presence of a shadow. As a child, a shadow in the night would have the astonishing ability to keep me from getting out of the bed for a drink of water, or a trip to the bathroom. As an adult with children, a shadow will now cause me to spring to my feet in defense each time one of my children call.
Shadows lurk everywhere at various times of the day throughout our lives. Keep in mind that in order for there to be a shadow there must be some opaque object blocking the rays of light. The light rays go past the edges of the object and make what we call a shadow. But shadows can be a place where we dwell far too often and sometimes for too long. Have you ever felt like you weren't walking in the fullness of the calling God has placed on your life? A good hard check will usually reveal the reason why you have found yourself in this place.
In my own life I walk in the shadows of pain and trauma on a daily basis. I am raising a child who was not viewed as one created in the image of God. He was not treasured, loved, and protected the way anyone should have been. With the calling to raise a child(ren) who are not biologically yours- you run this risk. I often ask myself this question; "self...is God big enough?" Every time I have to check the box...yes! He always proves faithful to finish what He starts. He is enough to combat the shadow I walk in of who she was supposed to have been in his little life. But I have to be honest, this is a dark shadow that clouds reality. It clouds the provision of love, safety, and security that I provide. This shadow makes me fighting mad on days that have been wonderful. On days where there is a glimpse of us coming up out of his past, where we have all smiles and kind words, no arguments picked with siblings, and the hope of peace; on these days I hold my breath. Because the other shoe will fall off if I just give it time. At some point I will get an ugly stare or will get left out of bedtime I love yous. As expected, out of nowhere, a simple two letter word will set the chaos in motion. Just two letters... no.
Just like that we return back in the shadow.
The point I have felt the Lord gently revealing in my life is that there has to be light for there to be a shadow. Time after time the scripture speaks of being in the shadow of our Lord's wing. Standing in His shadow because we cannot stand face to face with Him here and now should bring us great comfort. Have you ever been afraid of your own shadow? Afraid of what the night might bring? Afraid that if people find out who you are, or were, that they won't love you anymore? What is it that suppresses the "you" that God has called you to be? There is certainly a time to be content with working behind the scenes so that other people's gifts can be on display, but there is also a time to come up out of the shadow and be a bold life for Christ.
My aim is not to exploit my child in how he processes his own past traumas, rather
it is to say- I get it. Hurt people hurt people. When taught at a young age to make someone work for my affection and make them pay every time they don't let me have my way- one puts the teaching into action and begins to manipulate all relationships. Have you ever known someone who sabotages every relationship they are a part of? They leave a wake of ruin and chaos. But it's a chaos they are able to thrive in.
It takes more energy to be ugly to someone than to just love them where they are as a body of believers. The body protects its own. No woman in her right mind would lop off her tongue because it spoke out against someone. No, she would rather just pick up after the sentence ends with a sweet southern, "bless it's heart." So as to right the wrong she just engaged in. It is the same thought with the demands, disabilities, demeaning happenings in life, and even personal demons that cast a shadow over who our true light is in this life.
What about you? Are you afraid of your own shadow? What about the shadows that lurk around you today? Where are you placing your feet today? What is the summit in your life? We aren't children anymore. Come into the light.
Read the lyrics to this song. It mentions God shadowing me through the night. He is carrying us. Choose to see it or don't. The choice is yours. Perhaps the shadow in your life is simply you. Get out of the way and let the light shine.
